I was so angry on Tuesday. Really angry, red-hot angry. It was a righteous anger. I knew I was justified in feeling angry. I have learned that when I get angry, I need to run straight to Jesus. I needed to ask Him to help me cry. So, I did.
The tears wouldn’t come. More anger. I kept asking Him to help me cry. My body’s emotional stress signal is backaches. My back was now hurting. Some experience stomach pain. I experience backaches.
I wanted to let this anger go quickly. I wanted to enjoy precious time with my loved one. I did not want this underlying tension of anger to pervade our time together! I didn’t want to ruin her day with my stuff.
A brand new friend introduced me to Dr. Anita Philips. Dr. Philips is a trauma therapist, life coach, and a minister. I listened to one of her YouTube videos and recently began to listen to her audiobook, The Garden Within. I highly recommend it.
One idea in her teachings caught my attention – Fear is a Feeling. Anger is a feeling. Feelings are not sins. Yes, I know they are feelings, and feelings are not sin. My question has always been, “What do I do with these feelings? How do I process them so that I can feel anger and not sin? “
Thankfully, I was able to enjoy the evening with my loved one.
When I was alone later that evening, the anger was festering. Early the next morning, I headed to our morning prayer at church. If you can believe it, High School and Junior kids show up in droves for Wednesday morning prayer. They so inspire me!
During our individual prayer time, I reflected on Practicing the Way by John Mark Comer. I simply asked, “Lord, just love on me, right here in my anger.” And He did. Then the tears flowed. As I poured out my heart to Him, He refilled it with His love. The tension dissipated. I was now capable of moving on in love, not in anger.
I wish I had known this 25 years ago, as a young mom of five kids!
As a mom, this tension sometimes hindered my ability to be a loving presence with my kids. These moments occurred more times than I would like to admit. Kids don’t care if you are doing the right things. They see right through that. They too sense the tension!
Please know that you are not alone. Emotions are not sins; you are not wrong. Loving a child who has unique needs or who has been hurt is hard. If you are struggling like I was, know that you, too, can find freedom. You can become a loving presence for our kids.
Today, no matter what you are facing, take a moment to pause. Whisper or even yell, “Lord, just Love on me, right here in my __________.” He will meet you. He is faithful.
Mama, you are seen! You are loved.
There is a great cloud of witnesses cheering you, and so am I!
Cheering you on,
Jocelyn Williams,
NDM Consultant, Mental Health Coach, Developmental Therapist
What about you? As a mom of a child with unique needs, how do you manage your emotions? We’d love to hear from you. Comment below.
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